Where's my bloody ear defenders? Well, that's all done then. We took the Christmas cakes down to the monastery this morning and fighting the rising floods down by The Bull Inn we got to our veggie selling farm shop and stocked up on the Christmas fruit and vegetables for the coming week to ten days. Returning home I slumped into a chair and wished it could all be done by magic. Then I thought rather than take the effort out of Christmas shopping with magic, why wouldn't I use some magic to make it next week already and have Christmas behind me? Better still, go one order of magnitude further and use prestidigitation and make sure that Christmas never happens at all! Then I realised my folly of course. Magic is dangerous. No, it isn't the twisting of reality and the possibility of evil beings from another astral plane appearing bit that worries me, after all we have politicians and second hand car salesmen already and we cope with them admirably. No, the really dangerous bits about magic are the noise and incident light that thaumaturgical events cause. It seems from all of the films and pictures of people using magic that there are levels of magic and their concomitant noise and light effects. For small simple spells there is the Disneyesque slightly breathless "Poof!" sound accompanied by a tinkling of silvery bells with only a small flash of light, if anything plus a small puff of smoke perhaps. To do something bigger means a loud incantation from the presiding wizard, a huge flash of blinding light and sparks and a loud boom. To do something larger requires even louder incantations, explosions, blinding flashes of light. So to my mind to do something as massive as eradicating the curse of Christmas from the world with all the ensuing removal of shopping, street decorations, drunken rows and fights would require such a massive shouting of Kapow! and other incantations, the resulting explosion would deafen or kill everything within a thirty mile radius, earth tremors would shake everywhere and the resultant flash would vaporise most things nearby and inflict serious burns on everything else in the country. What with all of this the sudden invasion of politicians, bankers, accountants, second hand car salesmen and similar odious beings from other temporal and astral planes would be so huge that this country wouldn't survive the bullshit and lying. So on second thoughts, I think that I will settle down to hate Christmas as I usually do. Now... I wonder if I can conjure up some culinary magic? A nice minestrone would fit the bill. Poof! <jingle of silvery bells>; Aah, if it was only that easy... Comments are closed.
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May 2015
AuthorPaul Everest - Shining wit (at least that is what I think they said) |